Feel Sorry For The Pregnant Celebrites

I think the absolutely worst thing to be would be a pregnant celebrity during award season.  Imagine.  High Heels on Swollen Feet.  Trying to find something that fits. Whether or not to show or not show “the bump.”  Then you’re at the ceremony with all that good booze that you can’t drink, good food that with tastes bad or isn’t at all what you want; and probably a horrid headache from trying to maintain inane chatter with people you hardly know while at the same time maintaining a polite anonymity.  Plus, there is still the matter of having a 6-12 pound weight constantly pressing on your bladder with little to no opportunity to relieve yourself.  Also I’m sure that EVERY celebrity feels like unscrewing their jaw at the end of the night from the constant smile plastered on the face, win or lose.  Plus you MUST attend at least a few after parties or be socially snubbed for the upcoming year.  I almost would feel bad… except for the fact that this fictional pregnant celebrity is a celebrity, pregnant and going to an awards show. I’d find a way to deal with it or plead infirmity. I’d be happy for the problem and be willing to find a creative solution.  At least I’m smart enough to realize it’s a problem, right?  Any celebs looking for a smart, bookish, homemaker wife?  JK, of course… not really… well, maybe a little…

If Only

If only I were thinner
Or Pretty
Or Skinny
Or Tall
Or Blonde
Or Smart
Or Witty
The two worst words
In the Human Language
Are If Only
We ruin each other
With expectation and
Lack of Love
We cruelly taunt and
Tease our hopes away
If Only we could Learn
Not to Say
If Only

Thyroid Cancer

So... I've never really talked about my Thyroid cancer.  Funny.  Most people do.  I've been a never been shy about saying I had it but actually talking about the whole experience in one go.  That, I've never done.  So here it goes.  My cousin was diagnosed first.  She had the familial type which meant that the entire family was supposed to go and get tested.  You may think you know what's coming next but wait for it.  I was told that my thyroid function was a little bit off but no sign of cancer.  I had to see an endocrinologist once a month but that was it.  My cousin had her thyroid(half anyway) removed.  I figured I was lucky.  It continued that way for about a year.  I started having issues swallowing.  My endocrinologist insisted that there was nothing wrong.  I insisted that she was wrong and that I wanted a ultrasound.  She refused.  I went to my GP and insisted.  I had a nodule.  She called me and wanted to a biopsy.  I told her politely to go screw herself and called the University of Pennsylvania.  You always have a friend in Pennsylvania.  When I got the endocrinologist, I had a biopsy that was cleared but a had to keep coming back for tests and my medication was increased significantly.  I figured that was it.  About two years later at a routine visit I was do for regular biopsy.  My dad was in the hospital recovering from a quadruple bypass and valve replacement.  It had even been suggested that I skip this appointment but I knew that I had to keep it.  When the doctor came back in the room he told me that unlike the previous biopsies this one had come back positive.  I said okay what's next.  He asked if I was okay, and said that I had the weirdest reaction that he had ever seen.  He had been a doctor for a long time.  I was immediately set up for surgery. I ended up with the head of surgical oncology because the doctors take it in rotation.  When I came to, I found out that I had three tumors. Three different strains of thyroid cancer.  None of which were the type my cousin had.  I also had involvement in my lymph nodes.  This meant that I had to had radioactive iodine.  I was my usual stellar self with the nurses in recovery.(this is sarcasm) Then I found out the diet I had to follow for the the RAI. Two weeks of horrid food, followed by banishment to a room where no one can touch you and everything has to washed thoroughly after you touch it.  It makes you feel like a leaper.  But finally it was over.  I'll be on medication the rest of my life and have to have ultrasounds periodically to check for regrowth.  I made it past five years.  That's considered the benchmark.  My cousin has since had the rest of her thyroid removed.  Sometimes I get preachy or loud on somethings but maybe that's a delayed reaction.  I was utterly calm and cool throughout my treatment.  I never screamed or yelled or freaked out.  So if I get upset with people that do stupid things, maybe I'm just upset that I didn't get to choose what happened to me.  I couldn't change my circumstances and they choose to do something stupid on purpose.  I also get upset that I got the only cancer that make you GAIN weight.  Sorry, I know that sounds stupid but it's true.  It's sometimes said that if you have to get cancer, thyroid is the one you want.  Let me tell you, NO ONE wants to have cancer.  I have had it, trust me.

Riffing a Poem

whatever it takes if it makes you happy
give me one reason she will be loved
I will wait to surrender all i ever wanted
we are young once
holding out for a hero before he cheats
but i do love you
pardon me, should i stay or should i go
i could could fall in love when i'm with you

Nerd Girl Dilemma

I’ve figured out the Nerd girl’s ultimate dilemma.  You wouldn’t want him even if you could have him.  I know I sound insane but let me posit a scenario.   Your eyes meet across the crowded convention floor ( the only place you would have the chance of running into each other).  You manage to snag a few brief minutes of conversation in an out of the way back room crowded with other people also trying to hide from crazed fans.  This, of course, is against all the odds.  Supposing you do manage to hit it off, every date and minute you are together is brutally splashed about the tabloids, TMZ and social media.  If you make it through the travails of dating, then comes marriage.  This is even worse.  Forget a private ceremony.  Every fan girl will be camped outside weeping.  The reporters will be hip deep.  There is no way to keep it simple.  Suppose after this, you decide to have children.  Every decision you make about your children would be criticized. What you feed them, where you send them to school, when you send them to bed, everything would be an open book.  They would never have a private moment.  Would you really want this for your children?  Now, you could ask your future husband to give up his career for hearth and home, but then you would get death threats from your former fan girl buddies.  You would also have to be very secure in yourself.  I don’t know many fan girls that are.  Your husband would constantly have to kiss and feign making love to other women.  There would constantly be rumors that he was leaving you for so and so.  He also would be constantly traveling.  You would either have to travel with him or trust him immensely.  So this is the fan girl’s ultimate dilemma.  You constantly crave something that is something that not the goal.  Or you can change yourself to become the person that is able to sustain a real relationship.

So MOFFAT and Sherlock…

So MOFFAT and Sherlock…
No reviews because everyone else is already doing that.  First, why is Moriarty in a “I love me” jacket imprisoned in Sherlock’s mind palace? John didn’t bring the gun to kill C.A.M.  Sherlock did. Sherlock made him step back, almost the exact words as when Sherlock “died”.  Mycroft says “you know what happened to the other one”.  Mrs. Holmes was a mathematics professor.  In the books, Moriarty is a Professor of Mathematics.  In “The Empty Hearse”, Sherlock mentions several plans made with Mycroft to fake his death.  The one chosen was Lazarus.  Lazarus was the man who rose from the dead.  What if that wasn’t referring to Sherlock but to Moriarty the other brother? After all family is family.  Mycroft wasn’t going to kill Sherlock either.   Sorry if that was a bit convoluted but it is Sherlock and MOFFAT of course.
BTW can I have something Sherlock wants to steal?  Just so he can fake propose to me.  JS

MOFFFAAATTTT!!!!!!!

So I had a few people tell me I should watch Sherlock, the BBC version not the American one with Lucy Lui.  I had nothing to do and I looked and a new episode was on demand.  D@n you MOFFAT! I was hooked.  I went back and watched all 8 episodes that were us available at the time.  8 episodes for 3 seasons.  You sonofa, Moffat.  Every time! I cried at the end of season two even though I had already seen most of season 3.  I also realized that no character can achieve higher intelligence than the author who pens them.  I have watched many sci-fi, fantasy and comic based shows and movies.  I think that if all the minds at comic con sat down and concentrated they would have the power to save the world.  It seems like the old prejudices against nerds still remains.  No matter how cool we currently are.  When is the last time we elected a congress person that had the mental acuity to solve a crime novel before the detective in the book?  Or maybe a senator who waited in line all night for tickets to see a movie about aliens?  Most nerds and geeks have massive amounts of data storage in their brains.  I also can't imagine the mess up with the Obamacare website happening with nerds in charge.  Maybe it's time for the Nerds and Geeks to rise up and take over.  The streets will run black with the ink of comic books!

What is Paleo? Why?

I’m trying the #Paleo diet.  For those of you who aren’t familiar, Paleo is a #diet that consists of trying to eat as our #Paleolithic #ancestors did, by #hunting and gathering.  It is also called the #huntergatherer diet or the #agro diet.  There are several #naysayers out there who say that this doesn't work for several reasons.
1. The food from that time simply does not exist today.
Okay. I’ll buy that.  But the food today is not that far off IF YOU STAY with #UNPROCESSED #FOODS!!!

2. If people hadn't adapted to today’s #processing methods, a lot more people would be sick.
Here’s the crux of the diet.  The idea of Paleo is that people haven’t adapted to processing and agriculture. #Peanut allergies are THE example that is used.  All of the sudden peanut allergies are cropping up in populations that had never seen them before.  The other broadly used examples are #wheat/gluten allergy and #milk/lactose allergy.  #Pasteurization began about 1100’s.  Peanuts were not popular for human consumption till the late 1930’s.  In the 1800 there was a great increase in productivity of wheat and during the #dust bowl in the US wheat was planted in the plains.  Wheat is one of the most common ingredients in US food along with #corn.

3. People died young in the Paleolithic era.
The average age of death of 30 includes childhood deaths from injuries, #preventable diseases, childbirth and infection.  Otherwise the people lived to 70.

I am going to try my best to live on this diet.  It is a lifestyle choice.  I know I’m not going to be able to do it all but that’s okay.  Even if I make better choices based on my knowledge that one less chemical in my body.  I have noticed that there are some #improvements in my #health problems.  I apologize in advance if I tend to gush a bit on this subject.  I know a lot of people who would benefit from this type of clearing out of crap from their diet.  I know people who complain every time they eat a burger and don’t know why.  Cheese and bread.  Two bad things.  At least!  Sorry. Rambling, going to stop now.

What is normal?

So I'm trying this new diet, this #paleo thing.  Now, I'm not supposed to call it a #diet.  It's a #lifestyle #change.  And it really is.  I mean so much of the stuff we eat is crap.  I was in the store buying meat and a package of #turkey #sausage had #potato in it.  I mean, REALLY?  I know I'm not going to catch everything and I'm not going to worry if little things slip through but I really will try to do this as hard as it is.  I have noticed a few changes already.  I am having less #digestive issues.  I do feel a little bit more energetic. Hard not to feel better then I WAS feeling, which was rotten.  But the main thing is my memory seems to be improving.  I was sitting in Church today and I had a flash from a long ago birthday party.  I was in eight grade.  I remembered buying a brand new pair of blue jeans for the party, size 14.  I was wearing about a size 38C.  I also remember playing hide and seek in the dark.  The girl whose #birthday we were #celebrating had just moved to a new house. She had previously lived in a twin house, very similar to mine.  We were not close friends but in a same class in a parochial school everyone was friendly.  Now she had a large house in a #private #community (not gated or anything but well to-do).  I had bought my jeans at #K-Mart.  I guess I had a solid upbringing because the one thing I don't remember was ever being jealous.  We all accept the #statusquo if that's all we know.  Once we open #Pandora's Box we have to keep it open and let out the #hope too.

Let's Hide the Fat Girls!

I had a few spare minutes this afternoon.  I was in the #CherryHill mall in #NJ.  I deiced to stop in #JCPenny.  I looked on the first floor, no women's #clothes were in plain view so I headed upstairs.  Ah-ha, I said, here are are the women's clothes!  After looking through the entire second floor, there were no large sizes to be found.  I casually inquired of the clerk where I could find the "real" women's sizes.  I was told very politely, "oh it's just downstairs (wait a minute, wasn't I just there?) make a right, then a left and through the hallway."  Huh?  After following these complicated directions, almost like trying to find the buried treasure on a pirate map, there was the women's (#plus) department.  It was out of view.  Where no one could see it.  Are we as a society so #ashamed of ourselves that we hide away our problems like the dirty laundry?  Also, I was appalled with the selection of clothing!  The other departments had a whole floor between #juniors, and #Petites and #women's (normal sized).  The #Plus department had 10 racks, maybe 20.  Yes, we have an #Obesity #Epidemic in this country but the sizing in the  #fashion #industry needs to change.  The average women wears a size 14.  For model work, on the runway, a #plus size #model is size 8.  Look at the disconnect between those two numbers.  We do need to get healthier as a nation but we will never do it with #unachievable goals!  The fashion industry has given us indigestion.  It is not the root of the problem but fixing it will help us feel much better.  The country needs to take it's metaphoric medicine.  It won't hurt too much I promise.