Growing Up Isn't Easy

When I was a child
You hurled insults at me
Reviled me
You call me weak
Do you even remember my name?

When I was older
I knew why you you insulted me
The need to possess or control
Was an all-consuming hunger
You wanted my soul.
Now you don't even care for my attention

When you were in college
I was a distraction, a means to an end
The way to get what you needed
Do you even remember I exist?

Now I'm older
My scars no longer burn
The pain is still fresh though
It forms my whole being

For though I have been
Slander and abused and
Taken advantage of

I survived

I'm stronger

I will go on

Chains

No memory of when this started
No thought of when it ends
I humbly beg your pardon
We were the best of friends

But now the sky's exploding
And stars, they fall to earth
I feel my world imploding
The pain of life, rebirth

When we stand together
We cannot be apart
These bonds will never sever
The chains upon our hearts

Change

I saw you today
Walking across the square
And when you looked at me
Your eyes weren't really there
I started to walk toward you
I started to go and stopped
You saw me and you turned around
My heart found fear and dropped
The weather had been bright
Sun shining, clear, serene
Out of nowhere clouds began to roll
Painting a dismal scene
Now I turn, I run from you
My panic, fear and pain
Have caught me deep with in my soul
As teardrops turn rain

Poem

It's a plain, dreary rain
I watch from my window pane.
It's time for moving on,
But I'm stuck here with the pain.

Time is fleetly flying,
And paitience has me sighing.
I've waited here so long,
Just knowing and crying.

You left me here forever.
My heart is about to sever.
My life is barren and in withdrawl.
I've lost my only tether.

Christmas EVE thoughts

I tried to sleep.  It's not working. I feel like one of the old fashioned doll, the kind that are strung together by several pieces of string. Except one on my strings is missing, the one that connects the head and left arm.  I feel all floppy and my hand is shaking. My head feels to tight on one side and to loose on the other.  Pain pills take me away! Soon it will be Christmas and all over and I can sleep all day and no one will care. I really could sleep all day, If I don't take my new medication.  I can still nap, which is supposed to be impossible, but I can. Tomorrow, I will make a large pot of Starbucks Expresso blend coffee fresh ground and eat lots of sugar.  Then I will crash after everyone leaves and wake up just in time for Doctor Who, or if not there's always DVR!