Feel Sorry For The Pregnant Celebrites

I think the absolutely worst thing to be would be a pregnant celebrity during award season.  Imagine.  High Heels on Swollen Feet.  Trying to find something that fits. Whether or not to show or not show “the bump.”  Then you’re at the ceremony with all that good booze that you can’t drink, good food that with tastes bad or isn’t at all what you want; and probably a horrid headache from trying to maintain inane chatter with people you hardly know while at the same time maintaining a polite anonymity.  Plus, there is still the matter of having a 6-12 pound weight constantly pressing on your bladder with little to no opportunity to relieve yourself.  Also I’m sure that EVERY celebrity feels like unscrewing their jaw at the end of the night from the constant smile plastered on the face, win or lose.  Plus you MUST attend at least a few after parties or be socially snubbed for the upcoming year.  I almost would feel bad… except for the fact that this fictional pregnant celebrity is a celebrity, pregnant and going to an awards show. I’d find a way to deal with it or plead infirmity. I’d be happy for the problem and be willing to find a creative solution.  At least I’m smart enough to realize it’s a problem, right?  Any celebs looking for a smart, bookish, homemaker wife?  JK, of course… not really… well, maybe a little…

If Only

If only I were thinner
Or Pretty
Or Skinny
Or Tall
Or Blonde
Or Smart
Or Witty
The two worst words
In the Human Language
Are If Only
We ruin each other
With expectation and
Lack of Love
We cruelly taunt and
Tease our hopes away
If Only we could Learn
Not to Say
If Only

Thyroid Cancer

So... I've never really talked about my Thyroid cancer.  Funny.  Most people do.  I've been a never been shy about saying I had it but actually talking about the whole experience in one go.  That, I've never done.  So here it goes.  My cousin was diagnosed first.  She had the familial type which meant that the entire family was supposed to go and get tested.  You may think you know what's coming next but wait for it.  I was told that my thyroid function was a little bit off but no sign of cancer.  I had to see an endocrinologist once a month but that was it.  My cousin had her thyroid(half anyway) removed.  I figured I was lucky.  It continued that way for about a year.  I started having issues swallowing.  My endocrinologist insisted that there was nothing wrong.  I insisted that she was wrong and that I wanted a ultrasound.  She refused.  I went to my GP and insisted.  I had a nodule.  She called me and wanted to a biopsy.  I told her politely to go screw herself and called the University of Pennsylvania.  You always have a friend in Pennsylvania.  When I got the endocrinologist, I had a biopsy that was cleared but a had to keep coming back for tests and my medication was increased significantly.  I figured that was it.  About two years later at a routine visit I was do for regular biopsy.  My dad was in the hospital recovering from a quadruple bypass and valve replacement.  It had even been suggested that I skip this appointment but I knew that I had to keep it.  When the doctor came back in the room he told me that unlike the previous biopsies this one had come back positive.  I said okay what's next.  He asked if I was okay, and said that I had the weirdest reaction that he had ever seen.  He had been a doctor for a long time.  I was immediately set up for surgery. I ended up with the head of surgical oncology because the doctors take it in rotation.  When I came to, I found out that I had three tumors. Three different strains of thyroid cancer.  None of which were the type my cousin had.  I also had involvement in my lymph nodes.  This meant that I had to had radioactive iodine.  I was my usual stellar self with the nurses in recovery.(this is sarcasm) Then I found out the diet I had to follow for the the RAI. Two weeks of horrid food, followed by banishment to a room where no one can touch you and everything has to washed thoroughly after you touch it.  It makes you feel like a leaper.  But finally it was over.  I'll be on medication the rest of my life and have to have ultrasounds periodically to check for regrowth.  I made it past five years.  That's considered the benchmark.  My cousin has since had the rest of her thyroid removed.  Sometimes I get preachy or loud on somethings but maybe that's a delayed reaction.  I was utterly calm and cool throughout my treatment.  I never screamed or yelled or freaked out.  So if I get upset with people that do stupid things, maybe I'm just upset that I didn't get to choose what happened to me.  I couldn't change my circumstances and they choose to do something stupid on purpose.  I also get upset that I got the only cancer that make you GAIN weight.  Sorry, I know that sounds stupid but it's true.  It's sometimes said that if you have to get cancer, thyroid is the one you want.  Let me tell you, NO ONE wants to have cancer.  I have had it, trust me.

Riffing a Poem

whatever it takes if it makes you happy
give me one reason she will be loved
I will wait to surrender all i ever wanted
we are young once
holding out for a hero before he cheats
but i do love you
pardon me, should i stay or should i go
i could could fall in love when i'm with you

Nerd Girl Dilemma

I’ve figured out the Nerd girl’s ultimate dilemma.  You wouldn’t want him even if you could have him.  I know I sound insane but let me posit a scenario.   Your eyes meet across the crowded convention floor ( the only place you would have the chance of running into each other).  You manage to snag a few brief minutes of conversation in an out of the way back room crowded with other people also trying to hide from crazed fans.  This, of course, is against all the odds.  Supposing you do manage to hit it off, every date and minute you are together is brutally splashed about the tabloids, TMZ and social media.  If you make it through the travails of dating, then comes marriage.  This is even worse.  Forget a private ceremony.  Every fan girl will be camped outside weeping.  The reporters will be hip deep.  There is no way to keep it simple.  Suppose after this, you decide to have children.  Every decision you make about your children would be criticized. What you feed them, where you send them to school, when you send them to bed, everything would be an open book.  They would never have a private moment.  Would you really want this for your children?  Now, you could ask your future husband to give up his career for hearth and home, but then you would get death threats from your former fan girl buddies.  You would also have to be very secure in yourself.  I don’t know many fan girls that are.  Your husband would constantly have to kiss and feign making love to other women.  There would constantly be rumors that he was leaving you for so and so.  He also would be constantly traveling.  You would either have to travel with him or trust him immensely.  So this is the fan girl’s ultimate dilemma.  You constantly crave something that is something that not the goal.  Or you can change yourself to become the person that is able to sustain a real relationship.

So MOFFAT and Sherlock…

So MOFFAT and Sherlock…
No reviews because everyone else is already doing that.  First, why is Moriarty in a “I love me” jacket imprisoned in Sherlock’s mind palace? John didn’t bring the gun to kill C.A.M.  Sherlock did. Sherlock made him step back, almost the exact words as when Sherlock “died”.  Mycroft says “you know what happened to the other one”.  Mrs. Holmes was a mathematics professor.  In the books, Moriarty is a Professor of Mathematics.  In “The Empty Hearse”, Sherlock mentions several plans made with Mycroft to fake his death.  The one chosen was Lazarus.  Lazarus was the man who rose from the dead.  What if that wasn’t referring to Sherlock but to Moriarty the other brother? After all family is family.  Mycroft wasn’t going to kill Sherlock either.   Sorry if that was a bit convoluted but it is Sherlock and MOFFAT of course.
BTW can I have something Sherlock wants to steal?  Just so he can fake propose to me.  JS

MOFFFAAATTTT!!!!!!!

So I had a few people tell me I should watch Sherlock, the BBC version not the American one with Lucy Lui.  I had nothing to do and I looked and a new episode was on demand.  D@n you MOFFAT! I was hooked.  I went back and watched all 8 episodes that were us available at the time.  8 episodes for 3 seasons.  You sonofa, Moffat.  Every time! I cried at the end of season two even though I had already seen most of season 3.  I also realized that no character can achieve higher intelligence than the author who pens them.  I have watched many sci-fi, fantasy and comic based shows and movies.  I think that if all the minds at comic con sat down and concentrated they would have the power to save the world.  It seems like the old prejudices against nerds still remains.  No matter how cool we currently are.  When is the last time we elected a congress person that had the mental acuity to solve a crime novel before the detective in the book?  Or maybe a senator who waited in line all night for tickets to see a movie about aliens?  Most nerds and geeks have massive amounts of data storage in their brains.  I also can't imagine the mess up with the Obamacare website happening with nerds in charge.  Maybe it's time for the Nerds and Geeks to rise up and take over.  The streets will run black with the ink of comic books!