Wondering

Wondering

I’ve lost my footing along the way

I no longer hold my head up high

Would anyone wonder why?

Whether at work or at play

No longer able to throw cares away

Ever wondering why

This has to be the way

Life is lived in brief spans

Mine seem to be mainly tired

Longing for holding of hands

Filled with a burning desire

But eminently lacking in plans

Ending in a gulf of fire

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Prisoner

I feel the prison closing in

More caged day by day

Pacing the same track over and over

My confinement has yet to begin

But that word to me implies children

The one cage of which I am free

Just imprisoned by my own body

Not really enough to cause fuss

Frustrated and flustered always

Tired, in pain and alone

My prison is not my own making

I still hope to one day be free

Even though I know it’s impossible

I can always hope eternally

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Countdown (168)

If I start a countdown now

That doesn’t make me horrible

It just makes me tired

Sick of the pain and heartbreak

It’s a purposeless fight

Burning through energy

I could use so much more

Time better spent elsewhere

If there is a reason

I can’t find it

Like a vestigial organ

No longer needed

Why should I suffer

If I will never

Bare a mother’s fate?

I don’t need to suffer

To be a woman

If I will never be a mother

As Lady MacBeth said

Unsex me here

Please?

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Stable

Call me dangerous, call me unstable

I’m tired of being called unable

I’ve always been a little bit crazy

Is this some happy ending like in a fable?

But I’m no longer letting it phase me

So what if no one thinks I’m ready

Are you looking for other reasons?

They’re not calling the shots here

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

I’ll die if I want to

I don’t have anything left to fear

It’s the end of the season

I’m holding steady

I’m rocking like a baby in a cradle

I’m starting to feel more stable

I don’t know why things were so hazy

You make me feel so able

After all crazy is just a label

There’s nothing left but to love me baby

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The Abyss

I’m tired of this world

It’s not worth the strength to fight

I feel the abyss pull me down

Will you miss me when I’m gone?

Would the world be different?

Would you feel horrible?

That it was your words that drove me over the cliff?

Don’t worry I won’t

But only because I’m afraid of the dark

If I wasn’t

I would be gone in a heartbeat

Heartbeats are only drums

Who likes the rhythm anyway?

It gets in the way of the chaos

I dislike order

Today I will live if only because

Madness is easy

Sanity is hard

P.S.  I am only a writer.  These are only words.  I am in a perfectly sound state of mind but many are not. There are place to help those who can.  Here is a current fundraiser that is running for the Prince's Trust.  It helps many.  Help if you can.